I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
