saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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