Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
