Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And then he peed in my hair
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