I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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