I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
