Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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