This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
