It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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