first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
