We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
