I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.