At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now