He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
