Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.