i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
