everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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