i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
