My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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