It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
