Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
