I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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