I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
