I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
