You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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