I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
