I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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