just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
