I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
