Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
