can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
