He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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