I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize