I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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