im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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