corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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