Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
