He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
