You just made me feel so damn special
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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