I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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