If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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