I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
