hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
