I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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