I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
