A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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