Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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