just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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