Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just found a bag of teeth...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
