this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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