It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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