I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
