I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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