My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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