you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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