And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck appropriateness.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
