Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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