WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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