'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize